My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
