one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
