The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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