when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
