He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize