Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
