Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
