Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
