Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
