i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
