That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
