I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
