i don't like sucking hair
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
