I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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