I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize