we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
