We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
