I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
