Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
