If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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