Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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