everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
