"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I smell like Dick and happiness
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
