fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
