i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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