I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
