i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
