if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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