May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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