I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
