When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
