Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
