i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
