I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
