I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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