I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think people are normalizing furries
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
