i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize