so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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