he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
