He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
