You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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