I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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