I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
