i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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