my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
