I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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