Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
