I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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