You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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