dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
