Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
