So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
