she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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