Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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