sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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