Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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