I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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