Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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