I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im holly from the hills drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
