she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
