My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
