absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
